11 Weeks

It is hard to believe that Korbin is over 2 months already! He is getting bigger everyday. We are still waiting on that first real smile though. I have found myself just begging him to smile. It is amazing how much more every little thing means with him. Not saying that they weren't great with the older 2 but I guess that smile from him will show me that he is aware of me and that will mean so much. I think that this is so important to me because of all of the "could be's" that we have been given. Maybe if he would just smile and show me that he is aware of me and who I am everything will be alright. I know that in reality that is not necessarily true but every milestone that we hit will be a relief for me.

We saw a speech therapist this week to see if Korbin is swallowing correctly. This was more to rule that out as a potential problem deterring proper weight gain. Fortunately, the therapist didn't feel that the test was needed so she just analyzed how he drank his bottle. She recommends 1-3 days of therapy per week for a short period of time. The amount of days will depend on how much I am able to do here at home. The exercises are fairly simple and are intended to strengthen his muscles in his mouth to help him drink more and tier out less easily.

I know that I was warned ahead of time that Korbin would likely need a lot more attention than some babies and that we could possibly need many services such as speech therapy, occupational therapy and even physical therapy. I knew it would be a lot but I didn't realize how much all of this would consume my life. As of right now, Korbin is being seen by a pediatrician, a neurologist, a neurosurgeon, a speech therapist and the states early intervention program. It seems like I am living in Dr's offices. I know that it is not his fault and that I should be thanking God that he is even here with us (which I do daily) but it is so much to deal with. Hopefully everything will get easier and we won't have anything else added to us anytime soon. I don't know how much more I can deal with. I know I will deal with what I have to. Having a newborn is already exhausting but with all of the appointments and constant worry, I am beyond exhausted. Everytime his leg jerks I wonder if it could be a seizure, everytime he doesn't eat well I wonder about his weight and his hydrocephalus, I find myself multiple times a day checking to make sure his soft spot isn't bulging, and to top it off, he has started this wonderful trick of spitting up large amounts and choking on it which is nerve racking to say the least. With all of my constant worrying and lack of sleep, it is a wonder I am even able to function properly.

Korbin will see his pediatrician again next week so we will see if he is where he should be with his weight. If my math is correct, he should be at least 7lbs 2ozs by his next visit so we are keeping our fingers crossed.

Sabrina